What an integration experience might look like from the outside.
When I consider the process of integration, I must look at it from the perspective of each different structure. I am also aware of the process on a psychological and emotional level which seems to be the parent of the other structures, or its organizer.
Each structure was created at a place and time to mark something important. In many cases, it was to mark the violation of some personal integrity that I was both aware of and unaware of at the same time. To try to understand the system is to be creative and imaginative in understanding the nature of paradox. Opposite conditions can and do exist in the same spaces. It is what creates tension. When the system experiences too much tension, it bands together and fires intuitive warning shots that tell the body what is really going on. On all subjects, in every case. the body is the final authority on what happens to the system when choice is in our control. When our autonomy is violated in any way, another structure will be built to absorb the injustice, anger, fear, pain, and inability to process this event in appropriate (to us) ways. The event will be processed at a later time, when activated by similar circumstances to the method of injury.
If you want to image the system as a bunch of comic book characters, the analogy is accurate. They are the invention of an individuals creative intelligence, to reflect ideas of conflict in the world, and in oneself. They represent the stigma of being different, and the alchemy of creating something out of what appears to be nothing. Each superhero has a formidable strength, and in balance, a potentially fatal flaw. All structures identify as ‘other’. They must find a way to balance their gifts and weaknesses, and begin to understand what it means to resonate with a personal identity that does not waver. Once challenged and explored, this identity becomes strengthened, and reinforced by each reunited structure. After every battle, a new scar and story for the collective, or a good death to an old warrior. In turn each structure is alchemized and accepted into the collective, or dies.
When you find your identity after searching for so long, you cannot unfind it, and this alchemy begins. I can’t tell you quickly how all of my heroes were born, or how and when some died, or how I’ve been humbled more deeply than I ever thought possibly by some of them, but I can try to unravel it for you, one idea at a time, until the picture starts to emerge for you, the way it DID for me.